March 27, 2024

Yew Tree


In the beginning, or at least in my imagination, Odin hung upside down from the Yew tree, and there reflected in the waters were all of the runes. Like the Hanged One in the tarot, he was not in a noose around his neck, but around his ankle. In many cultural experiences, from downward-facing dog to the Sundance Ceremony, there is a clearing of energy when blood rushes into our head.


Echo 
Location
Tune in
Tune Out
Turn a blind eye
Discover
A more nuanced
Vision
Go out 
On a limb
After Winter
Ripe fruit

The week my Dad was dying, I felt in limbo. Played endless games of Solitaire, Sudoku, and Acrostic puzzles. I felt like the times when my flight was delayed, not just by hours, but by days. Camped out at the terminal. Waiting for that final departure.

This feeling lasted months. Everyone deals with grief in their own way - my deal was endless rounds of gin rummy, maybe a soothing way to beat the odds, at least for a while

Yew trees had sharp prickly leaves, being coniferous, as well as bright red berries. It is one of the longest-lived native plants in Europe, according to the Woodland Trust. To quote from their website, 

"Ancient, morbid, toxic. The yew is one of the longest-lived native species in Europe. This has made it a symbol of death and doom, but it provides food and shelter for woodland animals."

Journaling invitation: What would the YOU Tree look like? Roots, stem/trunk, branches, flowers, foliage, seeds? Any flora or fauna? Other symbiotic relationships?

And just like feeling a bit in limbo ( How low can you go?) Become aware of where you could be a little more soft, flexible, not necessarily pliant or defiant, the softness between.

March 20, 2024

Bird's Eye View

 

In January, I attended a workshop presented by Dara Brady from Scape School  at The Diversity Center on creativity and it's place in my life.

My Dad died in December, and am still in shock, let alone all the other stages ofgrief. Going down to Santa Barbara, being there not just the last week, but the last moments, was overwhelming. I play infinite games of solitaire, the feeling of being stuck at an airport, waiting for the final departure at the terminal.

Coming home, I found solace in deep cleaning. I had been shirking many a yearly chore since my sister-in-law, Carol, died eighteen months ago. Washing the inside windows is no easy task since I have a plethora of dingles and dangles, but my biggest decision was to burn the two thousand cranes that have been my overhead living room decoration for years. I first started folding them when my Dad was diagnosed with cancer in 2003.

There have been more deaths, piling up faster than the dust bunnies. I buy more sympathy cards than birthday cards these days. I make roasted butternut squash soup, spanikopita, lasagna, all the comfort foods I revisited in COVID days. 

I bought some metallic paints and a new portable light table, investing in my art, starting up the rune project again. The next one is Coyote, Loki. 

March 13, 2024

Odin

Last winter on retreat, I painted my set of Ralph Blum's ceramic rune stones, using a combination of colors and copper paint. On the back of each one, I wrote keywords, using a Sharpie. Next, I will varnish them, one way or another. And this led me to my next painting project. Much to my cats' chagrin.

The first rune I pulled from the grey velvet pouch was blank - Odin, the Unknowable. All endings are beginnings, and beginnings are ending, so the Oroborous seemed like an organic symbol. 

Swallow me up

Swallow me whole

Create my destiny

Nothing foretold

I'm entering my second Saturn return, and I thought the first one was a doozy. I bought out my business partner, got divorced from my wife, and my parents separated. My Dad would come up every week from Carmel, we planted roses, put in the irrigation system, had lunch at either The Farm or Avanti, and basically became good friends. We both have Saturn in Pisces (as does my daughter). Mine is also conjunct Chiron (the Wounded Healer) opposing both Pluto and Uranus in Virgo in the Second house. If you know any astrology, this is a potent combo.

So here I am, the first day of Spring, thinking about all of the deaths over the last eighteen months. I'm still in grief, but much of the trauma and depression has lifted. Acupuncture, peer counseling, Ignatia, and St. John's Wort have been helpful allies.

As has deep cleaning - going from room to room, not just chasing dust bunnies and culling excessive hangers (my hang-ups) but getting into a creative mode - hanging mini solar-powered fairy lights in the upstairs bathroom and the back room, making a family jewels chest by repurposing the computer box, the simple act of chicken soup. Beginnings and endings.

Odin, the Unknowable, the Great Mystery. One can only wonder about all the worlds of possibilities.

Blessed be.

Baby Crone's Tarot Playbook


or Laphrodite's Mini Mindfulness Meditations

Baby Crone's Tarot Playbook offers seventy-eight short practices for that tarot on-the-go feeling. Rich, full-color images accompany the guided meditations to create a synthesis of right-brain and left-brain activity by combining potent imagery with meaningful words. Whether you flip to a random page for a quick hit, spend an hour using an image as a writing prompt in your journal, or dedicate yourself to delving deep into the meaning and symbolism of each piece, this is a treasure trove of accessible wisdom.

March 6, 2024

Radical Honesty

I was mulling the frozen tilapia when she turned the corner. Her cart almost touched mine. 

"Hi, I love your glasses!"

Sparkly rhinestone encrusted purple rims that match the silver and black ensemble. I admired the glitter of her matching eyeshadow and felt dowdy at best. I hadn't even put my nose rings in.

"Happy holidays! How are you?" she chirped.

There was a moment when it was so easy to slip into the little white lies that everything is just fine if not dandy

"My Dad died on December first. I'm still in shock so here's a little radical honesty."

One does not expect to process in the frozen food section at Trader Joe's, but she revealed her grandfather also recently passed.

We stood there, two women with recipes and grocery lists, errands and chores, just taking a moment to share space amidst crackers and gingerbread, shoppers and shelf stockers, more raw and vulnerable than the tender salmon steaks.

In a time where so many make New Year's resolutions - my teacher Lisa says revolutions - my intentions for this year and here on forward is to keep practicing radical honesty.


February 28, 2024

SLO Tattoo

Driving
How I love California
Valleys scarring
Golden hills

Arriving
Details and stencils
Inks, fine line, and filler
Last one is always the killer

Different pains
Burning, drilling, electric
Striated down through the belly
The hot knife that slices

Carving new vistas

Each scar is a story
Once scabbed, picked at, now
Healed, revealed, no longer raw
Simply incorporated 

Symbols, Sabien, or otherwise
Rite the tattoo experience
Pull the Sun, Three of cups
Understand

Willow leaves, sweet relief
Runic analgesic 
Cool summer breeze
Viola and Forget-Me-Not

Wheel of fortune
Wheel of fame
Let's remember
Lilith again

February 21, 2024

HRT

 

show me yes

show me no

show me

I don't know


third time

patch slips

not going to

fix this


rub bellies

lube jellies

warm up

cool down


tired of weeping

not sleeping

nightmares